1) Car. You are passing through life in a dazzling blur. You are going where you are going very, very quickly, but what will you find when you get there, Car people? Is there even a "there" you have in mind or do you just want to go faster and faster, the wind streaking through your hair, zig zagging down cliffs in Monte Carlo until, one day - one day there will be a crash, car people. No one can go so fast and emerge unscathed. Remember thou art mortal.
2) Wheelbarrow. I don't think you've had fun a day in your life. Stop. Look up from your workload. Unfurl your tired hands. It is okay to let go a little bit. Want to go do shots? No, seriously, let's do shots. Lemon drops. You'll like them, I promise.
3) Dog. You were so faithful. And kind, really. You would slip extra monopoly money to younger members of your family that were running low. You never understood why everyone couldn't win. The fact that not everyone can win at life fills you with a well of sorrow that will never dry.
4) Thimble. Safe, safe, safe, like you're in a little tower. Unlike the wheelbarrows, you do not long for fun. You are intensely risk averse. You like eating healthy, and going for walks, and you do not drink much. You believe sugar is the devil. You will live to be 105.
5) Ship. You are a warmonger. It's fine. I mean, you're also a patriot, but you should stop wearing t-shirts that advocate bombing other countries. You're really in a minority, ship people. But you're strong in your convictions.
6) Top Hat. You wish men would wear ascots again. If you are a man, you wish you could wear an ascot. All you ever wanted was a world of beauty and grace and evening clothes, where everything seemed to happen amid a backdrop of velvet curtains and softly playing chamber music. And if you need to make a fortune and crush everyone in your path to get to that beautiful world, by God, you will.
7) Shoe. You are probably happy just to be here. Here on the planet earth, that is. You just want to walk all over this great planet, and go all the places, and see everything. You are a new soul, and you are beautiful.
8) Iron (Gone, Forever.) You believed in hard work. Moreover, you believed there was no shame in hard work. You did things, and if you didn't get them right the first time, you just went back and did them again. You didn't question your boss. You just did as you were supposed to as well as you could, and you were grateful to do it. You think the kids today are all communists.
9) Cat. You are wily. You're quick thinking. You figure it's only a matter of time until your witty Tweets get you a book deal. You believe not only that you can look a king in the eyes, but that you OUGHT to, because you're just as good as them. You believe this regardless of whether or not you have any personal accomplishments. You have crippled the iron. I love you. I hate you. I am you.